Instant Message-Coachella Edition

Ed. Note-This is a couple weeks old. Took me a while to get my footing this year.

Ryan 3:42 –
i think I just got super depressed.
I feel bloated and gross. Is this what girls feel like?

Annmarie 3:46 pm-
you look great

Ryan 3:48 pm-
thanks

Annmarie 3:48 pm-
babe. xoxoxoxo

Ryan 3:48 pm-
im going back on my diet after i feel better
i just cant while my body is weak
too much. I hate being sick.

Annmarie 3:49 pm
pls don’t do the bean diet.
can you find another
it was really grossing me out

Ryan 3:49 pm
it really works

Annmarie 3:49 pm
it made you smell like an old man
I swear

Ryan 3:49 pm
you smell like an old man

Annmarie 3:49 pm
please
i will buy you nutrisystem for a month if you don’t do it

Ryan 3:49 pm
i dont want to hide me doing the bean diet aorund you

Ryan 3:50 pm
nutrisystem???? what am i one of the Osmonds?

Annmarie 3:50 pm
hahaha
i was kidding
thought you’d laugh

Ryan 3:50 pm
god, NO YOU WERENT YOU’RE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!!!
i love you even though you think im a big fat slob

Annmarie 3:51 pm
i thihnk you smell like an old man. that’s all I will say
its a waste of my burberry cologne i got you

Ryan 3:51 pm
beano. what if i take beano?

Annmarie  3:51 pm
you smelled normal this weekend’
I missed it so much. Coachella was amazing.

Ryan Bailey 3:51 pm
I WAS EATING BEANS ALL WEEKEND

Annmarie 3:51 pm
stoppp

List Of Things I Do Wrong In The House Part II

Kitchen:

·         Doesn’t close chip bags. Chips always stale despite chip clips being in      plain site

·         Spills food in the fridge and liquids – leave it there to harden and fester

·         Will not throw out old food “has a tougher stomach than most”

·         Old food not in containers so the mold grows in my fridge giving me the lovely task of frequent sanitation on the bins and such

·         Makes really smelly foods – onions and brussel sprouts and doesn’t ventilate the area, so that seeps into the bedrooms.

·         Never cleans the top of the stove after use

·         Never cleans the floor after cooking –

·         Leaves groceries out for me to put away

·         Leaves take out cartons, Tupperware practically empty in the fridge

·         Leaves tupperware in sink with dried food on the side of it

·         Also leaves said Tupperware in the car for days and days so when I get it, there is mold in the nooks – or worse. (Editors note: I believe i created human life from UNKNOWINGLY leaving a dish in the car.  I do this for science)

·         Leaves dirty dishes in the sink – but doesn’t soak

·         Helps me by clearing the dishes from the “coffee table” and leaves them in the sink for me. I still have to load the dishwasher and wash the dried food off of the plates

·         Doesn’t take out the garbage unless I “hint” to him by removing the overflowing bag, tying it, then leaving by the back door.