EMAIL EXCHANGE

Annmarie: I burnt the chicken on the grill. Can you stop and get McDonald’s for me on the way home?

Me: I’ll still eat the burnt chicken.

Annmarie: Over my dead body.

Me: I secretly think you burnt the chicken on purpose so you could get McDonald’s.

10 MINUTES WITH NO RESPONSE EMAIL

Me: Fine.  Give me your order. I’l still eat the burnt chicken.

Annmarie: I threw it out.  Swear on my unborn child it was inedible.  Don’t be mad.  I’m so angry.  I burnt myself on it.

Me: Don’t you mean “OUR” unborn child?

Annmarie: Sure. Why not. I honestly will have nightmares about that chicken. Can’t explain it.  Don’t ever want to have BBQ chicken again.  The burnt smell is indescribable.

Me: We WILL be making grilled chicken again.  Mark my words.  This will not be another scallop situation. (Ed. Note-We used to have scallops all the time. As a couple we enjoyed them.  Many great scallop experiences. Then Annmarie swears she had a bad scallop at a restaurant.  We have not had scallops since.  It’s been almost 3 yrs..)

Annmarie: Fine.  I want a grilled chicken sandwich, fries, and a plain hamburger for Brooklyn. (Ed. Note-Brooklyn is our dog.)

List Of Things I Do Wrong In The House Part II

Kitchen:

·         Doesn’t close chip bags. Chips always stale despite chip clips being in      plain site

·         Spills food in the fridge and liquids – leave it there to harden and fester

·         Will not throw out old food “has a tougher stomach than most”

·         Old food not in containers so the mold grows in my fridge giving me the lovely task of frequent sanitation on the bins and such

·         Makes really smelly foods – onions and brussel sprouts and doesn’t ventilate the area, so that seeps into the bedrooms.

·         Never cleans the top of the stove after use

·         Never cleans the floor after cooking –

·         Leaves groceries out for me to put away

·         Leaves take out cartons, Tupperware practically empty in the fridge

·         Leaves tupperware in sink with dried food on the side of it

·         Also leaves said Tupperware in the car for days and days so when I get it, there is mold in the nooks – or worse. (Editors note: I believe i created human life from UNKNOWINGLY leaving a dish in the car.  I do this for science)

·         Leaves dirty dishes in the sink – but doesn’t soak

·         Helps me by clearing the dishes from the “coffee table” and leaves them in the sink for me. I still have to load the dishwasher and wash the dried food off of the plates

·         Doesn’t take out the garbage unless I “hint” to him by removing the overflowing bag, tying it, then leaving by the back door.